It’s the fourth day of vacation, but I don’t seem to be getting much of a break.
A bit of backstory:
I graduated from college in 2007 with a Bachelor’s in Art and an Elementary K-6 general classroom teaching license. Apply and interview as I may, I have not yet landed an actual teaching position (Vermont is saturated with experienced teachers, and it seems doubly hard to break in to the field without official experience or connections). I am a Paraeducator, which translates financially to $20K a year, tops (before taxes). I live on my own, and my Significant Other of the past 10 years is still in college (aka: no income yet). I have had the good fortune to be able to drive my father’s “spare” car since we sold my personal old POS in 2008, so I’ve had no car payments to worry about. Unfortunately for my current finances, I chose to live on my own in a nicer part of the city, figuring that I could get a better job and start saving money then. So, I have been honestly living paycheck-to-paycheck for the past 4 years, paying off school loans bit by bit, weathering the occasional financial hurdles as they come.
Until the beginning of February, when my loaner car unexpectedly died of major engine trouble. Due to lack of service records, the company would not honor their warranty – leaving me with thousands of dollars in repairs and no vehicle. The reality check I received is staggering: How do you pay thousands of dollars (either to fix the old car, or buy a new used one) when you have no savings? No flexible income?
I had to make the hard decision: I will be leaving the loveliest apartment I could imagine, and moving back to my father’s house until I have: 1) paid my generous mother back the $2K, and 2) put away a certain amount of money into a “Don’t You Dare Touch Me” savings account. It was a tough choice, but necessary.
So WHAT does all that have to do with fitness? The stress associated with a cathartic 18 hours of phone-calling, crying, checkbook juggling, and disaster planning, is apparently enough to derail the veritable Freight Train of Determination I was running so well. I spent an hour sitting in the spare room, fully suited for exercise, staring at the walls I so regretted having to leave. I realized just how horrible stress and depression can be, as they managed to throw me harder than any illness could. I wrote the day off as a loss, feeling totally defeated and ultimately worried that I wouldn’t be able to get rolling again after that.
This afternoon DID take a while to restart, but by the grace of c25k and some appropriately-placed Songs of Triumph (thank you, Pandora), I managed to push through – and at a record pace so far. It wasn’t the best workout I’ve had, but I can honestly count it for the day, and know that No, the massive stressful upheavals do not have to break me. I may need a day to regroup, but I am strong enough to keep fighting.
And I WILL keep fighting.
Immutable and Impossible 